Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Happy first birthday, sweet girl.

I'd like to preface this by saying that tears are streaming down my face as I try and come up with the words to describe how much Chloe has changed my life. I want her to read these letters in the years to come and feel the emotion behind them. I want her to read them when she is a momma herself and know exactly the kind of overwhelming sense of pride and joy that I feel every single day when I think of her. I write these letters as a reminder of all the milestones she has met. But sometimes I write them just to tell her I love her in as many ways as I know possible. This particular letter is just that. Attempting to find the words to encase this profound emotion. Today, I celebrate the birth of my first born. The sweet girl who made me a momma. And while the celebration will be very bittersweet, I know that there is just more good to come. There is so much more. Happy Tuesday, friends. Hope today is as good for you as it will be for us.

My dearest Chloe,
One year ago today, I was sitting in a hospital bed experiencing every different type of emotion I could imagine. I was terrified, anxious, excited and completely unable to imagine this amazing journey that was about to begin. I was wheeled back into a freezing cold room where we would finally meet, face to face after nine long agonizing months. And let me tell you what sweet girl... that is, and will always be, the most glorious moment of my entire life. You made me a momma. You made me your momma. You chose me to mold you and guide you through life. I am so grateful. I can never tell you I love you enough. I can never get enough of your sweet kisses. I can't ever get enough of you. You are so bright, Chloe. I am in awe of you more as each day passes. You now identify things using the appropriate word and this blows my mind. You're walking around like you've been doing it your whole life. You just stood up one day and took a step. No coaching, nothing. All you. I ache for the days when you relied on me completely but I am so very proud of you. You're so independent. So those moments when you embrace me are that much more special. 
We have moments of magic together. Where it is just you and I enjoying each others company and I live for them. At those times I'm able to view the world through those big blue eyes, and I'm telling you... life is good, my love. It is so good. I can say, without a doubt, that this has been the best year of my life. I am both stronger and weaker because of you. And you know what? That is perfect. I want the very best for you in your life. I want you to be happy and confident. I want you to see the good in people and I want you to achieve everything you set your mind to because I know that you can. I promise to love you with every ounce of my being forever. I promise I will work my hardest to be the best mother I can be. You are the most beautiful, special thing in my heart and I hope you always remember that.

Happy birthday, baby girl.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Six days.

In six days, Chloe will turn one. She will have been in my life for an entire year. Teaching me love and patience in ways that I never imagined. I find myself struggling with stupid details for her birthday party on Saturday. No one is going to notice if the blue streamers and blue plates aren't an exact match. It isn't about the cake, the presents, any of it. It's about how she's changed our lives in this past year.  I wrote her the final letter in her first year tonight with tears streaming down my face. It is the end of the first year, but we will celebrate the joy she's given our lives. I'll post pictures of her party. Mismatched plates and all. More to come next week. Until then, happy wednesday friends.